Let’s focus on why…
- Expecting things to be your way:
Mom, you’re expecting your daughter to live the life you once lived and that’s unrealistic. The way you were raised is just that….how YOU were raised. Find your own traditions and raise your kids in a way that is loving and most importantly….supporting! That’s 1 of the most fantastic things about having your own family and raising kids. But to be clear, traditions don’t have to be strict and rigid, they can be fluid and they can welcome change.
Ask yourself why you had kids in the first place, did you want a copy&paste version of you or did you want a well-rounded, happy, full of life extension of you?
- Expecting them to achieve this false “American Dream”
Let’s all have an honest moment here. That very house that you’re sitting in cost you maybe $150,000 in 1980. That house today costs around $475,000. The economy is in shambles so we can’t expect the very traditional “American Dream” to be the end-all-be-all. By American Dream, I mean go to college, graduate and get the perfect “high paying” career.
Things aren’t so cut and dry anymore and getting that perfect career isn’t the same. Young adults are staying home longer now rather than before because rent is astronomically higher!
Maybe your child wants to:
- try a new hobby that could then create income
- start a business
- see if a 9-5 lifestyle is for them
Sit her down and come up with a timeline to help her reach these goals. Teach your child about investing their money and show them things that their high school or secondary school didn’t teach them. Support them…..DON’T talk AT them! Please remember, you want a BETTER life for them, not the same. And your daughter or son’s idea of “better” will be whatever they make it. The pressure of making them live up to your expectations won’t do anything but make them do the exact opposite once they get from underneath your wrath and strict rules.
Your daughter needs to learn their own sense of self worth and self concept. Find tools for them so they can learn to be confident in their own decisions. If you’re looking for that tool, we have our digital experience called The Patient Glow, which helps girls and women grow at their own pace and timing. This couild be something you might be interested in for your daughter, niece or family member.
- Find out about the things they enjoy and take interest
Find out what they like and maybe…..who knows, you might find it interesting and want to learn more. At first they might be a little annoyed or maybe confused but if you keep asking questions and getting interested, one day they will tell you about what they’ve been up to without you even asking because they now know you are interested. You WILL thank me later! Make it about “mom and daughter” time, not about your expectations.
The best ways to support her:
- validate her feelings
- show her you are listening to her
- praise and celebrate her accomplishments…big or small
- keep a calm and understanding demeanor when she comes to you about certain ideas
Find any and every chance to connect with them because 1 day, they will move far away and have their own lives.
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